My Beer-Guzzling African-Maori Dude

I went for my first pottery class the other day and this is what I made.

Now, before I delve any further, I should explain how this … um, Thing, came to be. I was drunk. Okay, I wasn’t.

It all began with a briefing on the most basic of clay techniques: the coil method. It is a highly technical, highly intricate process so I will simplify it for you: you roll bits of clay into spaghetti-like shapes, then stick them on top of one another. You then keep coiling until you get the shape you want or the teacher pleads with you to go back to your original hobby (ie. knitting sweaters for your dog).

So anyway, I started with two circular bases. My idea was to coil two trunk-like cylinders reaching up to the sky (or at least to my chest), intertwining like lovers as they went along, then reluctantly separating towards the end and ‘exploding’ into an elaborate fan that would bear a striking resemblance to a mystical phoenix-cum-koi-like creature with a serpent head.

After a while though, that lofty vision in my head began to dim as my spaghetti strips became smaller, shorter and started cracking into pieces. I wondered if I was overreaching just a tad.

So long story short, I turned the first trunk into my personal take of an African death mask with a Maori touch. I got tired towards the end, which is why I left the top of his head open. You know the saying, “Don’t be so open-minded that your brain falls out?” … well, in this case, I’m trying to communicate the fact that your brain will fall out if you drink too much. I’m nothing if not utterly deep and profound.

After completing my African-Maori dude, I turned the second trunk into a mug of beer. I accomplished this by fashioning an ultra-realistic beer label (by writing the word BEER on it, duh) and sticking it on the mug. Voila.

So there you have it: the result of my very first pottery class. I dare say that, given time, I might actually not totally suck at this. Only time will tell … which is why I’m terribly excited to go for my second class.

Clay Expression is a pottery studio that offers classes for those who wish to pursue their passion with clay. Not appropriate for those unable to see the beauty of clay-caked fingernails or harbour no aspirations to be Demi Moore.