I suffer from knee obesity. I’ve suspected it for a while now but it was only recently, after a massive amount of painstaking research, that I discovered it’s an actual condition and therefore, a real problem that requires immediate medical attention. Chubby knees. Fleshy knees. Fat knees. Freakishly obese knees. Call it what you want. It’s a horrible affliction and I have it. *Sob*
I’ve always wondered why my knees didn’t look like those of celebrities in the tabloids. You know, beautifully bony with sharp angles sticking out in every direction covered only by a thin layer of skin. They have this sublime geometric quality (the knees, not the celebs). They look almost architectural. Like a sacred sculpture carved by Michelangelo himself.
Celebrity A
Oooh, feast your eyes on those bone protrusions …
Celebrity B
I then looked at my own knees and I just couldn’t figure it out … until I learned that I’m a victim of SBF syndrome. As in Skinny But Fat Syndrome. As in I am ‘skinny’ by conventional standards but there’s a superficial layer of fat lurking directly under my skin. The deposits stored in the tissues under this superficial layer is called deep layer fat. Oh, even the name makes chills go up and down my spine! And it’s so sinister that no amount of exercise can ever get rid of it.
And among the many ghastly symptoms of SBF are: bat wings (flabby upper arms), arm scallops (fat armpits), buffalo humps (back fat), turkey wattle (flesh dangling underneath the jowls) and … FAT KNEES!
Fat knees are caused by two things – flabby skin over the knees and fat accumulating above the kneecap and the inner part of the knee. They make your legs (ie. my legs) look chunky, shapeless, totally unsophisticated and subsequently, make your whole life (read: my whole life) absolutely miserable. They must, therefore, be eliminated at all costs. Here are three possible solutions:
(1) Vaser liposelection: a surgical procedure to remove the excess fats in the knees. Recovery period is between one and three weeks. Physical activities like running can be resumed after three weeks. But um, no thanks. I don’t fancy being cut up like a piece of pork.
(2) Thermage: a non-invasive procedure involving radiofrequency technology. This is so effective that you see immediate results that last forever after just one session. Sign me up!!!
(3) Camo: as in flauge. Camoflauge. Good idea. I swear I am so-o-o-o wearing bicycle knee pads from now on.
Knee obesity is just one of the many, many beauty afflictions I never realised I suffered from until now. Thank god for women’s magazines, tabloids and bitchy celebrity blogs! Without them, I’d be walking around with overweight knees and not even know it!
loved reading this
very entertaining…
why thank you
Woman – you are hilarious…if you have chubby knees, I have obese knees. Btw, Angelina’s knees look like they can barely keep her standing up right leh
they look awful, don’t they? her knees, I mean. she’s been looking totally emaciated lately but you know la, in Hollywood no such thing as too skinny wan
Rubbish! There’s no such thing as SBF!
That’s only because you’re afflicted with SBSTDS as in Skinny but Still Too Damn Skinny!!!
ptui.
Hahaha, this is a good one
I’ve always eyed those sharp bony celebrity knees so enviously. I still remember when my ballet teacher prodded my knees incessantly and exasperatedly asked, “Where are your knees??! I can’t find them!” (Scarred for life now…Haha)
Been working on those famous lunges and squats but am hardly seeing a dent where the fat pockets are. Count me in for the thermage session!
So much fat to attack. It’s nuts. Got fat, got deep layer fat, superficial fat, real fat, imaginary fat, fake fat, whatever … the list is endless. The crazy standards women are held to is just nuts. Just fat-fighting also a full-time job, where got time to do anything else! Haha, yeah, the thermage thing sounds groovy huh?
Truth is Winnie u r being overly obsessed n self conscious about yourself all the time. Get over it we will never be another Angelina Jolie unless u r prepared to spend the rest of your life under the knifes of Plastic Surgeons just like any bullshit “Hollywood Celebs”.
My dear, in case you hadn’t noticed, there’s a picture of an OSTRICH in the post. That picture alone is sufficient to demonstrate to anyone that I am – in actual fact – being facetious. This whole blog post (and I dare say, most of my other entries) are facetious. I am fully aware of how utterly ludicrous it is that knee fat is currently being touted as the new jelly roll. When I said “carved by Michelangelo himself”, did you really think I was being serious?? Good lord. That picture of Jolie with her wrinkly, anorexic knees was chosen to represent ‘beautiful knees’ simply because they are SO NOT. It’s like putting a picture of Jocelyn Wildenstein (a particular favourite of mine) in a blog post about beauty. Duh. So try not to get too worked up okay? I’m not about to cut myself open, so don’t worry.
Just worried for u. Your writting on all these physical appearance doesn’t portray well on u girl…write something more humane lol!
yup. u are already soo slim and u keep whinning…. hmmm . so u just make ppl like me feel EXTEREMELY fat & overweight!! sigh.
No la, I’m not whining. It’s called writing. As in writing nonsense. It’s purely for fun and I like poking fun of people and myself anyways. Don’t get to do it at work so I do it here. I’m sorry if I made you feel ‘extremely fat’ but believe me, having stick-thin ostrich knees isn’t all that great either!! One benefit of having fleshy, meaty knees is that we don’t hurt when we kneel !
After reading your post, I realized I’m afflicted with loud laughalitis, now I have to go to webmd to find a cure. Thanks for bringing a smile to my face today.
Hi BagsNShoes2, thanks for dropping by. Your comment put a smile on MY face today
I had a look around your blog and apart from the fact that I also nurse an addiction to shoes & bags (anyone who isn’t afflicted with this is a Dude), I have to say … love your profile pic!! I shall now add u to my blogroll
Thanks so much Winnie, I appreciate the encouragement. Have a great weekend
gurl, u crack me up!!
yalor, sometimes I crack myself up too. cheh wahhhhh
Kim: … but … but … but being shallow and superficial is so-o-o-o funny! ok ok, since you’re so worried about my obvious insanity, I shall write something more sensible next time round. Maybe something about how we’re killing all the tuna fish
… sashimi. yum.
ha! ha! Now this sounds more like Miss Congeniality …. “World Peace”! lol
I’ve always believe U R what u eat n write…right??
I just bought my 6 yr old son his first diary. Hopefully he doesn’t write anything too superficial but FUNNY like this “Auntie” here lol! Who knows what type of Writer he turns up to be…….sigh?!!
You know what the biggest crime in the world is? Being boring is the biggest crime in the world. So whatever type of writer your son turns out to be, it doesn’t matter. As long as he writes stuff that elicits some sort of response from ppl, whether it makes them happy, sad, makes them laugh, curious, even pissed-off mad … that means he’s done his job.
And yes, I am what I write. I am ludicrous at heart
Agreed!
Am a big fan of your writing…whether politically incorrect, self-obsessive, shallow, etc. or not…(actually, the shallow-er the better)
Come on, truth is, which girl or woman is not somewhat “obsessed” about their “imperfections”, delusional or not…
What you write is exactly what goes through most women’s mind and whether they actually do the lipo, thermage, chop off your legs deed is another story altogether.
Appreciate your realism and your wacky truth about things. And your blogs are just hilarious! So please don’t get sensible and boring on your fan club now
Hi Snickers … thanks
haha, I think fluff is under-rated … it’s so much funnier to be all dumb and moronic and superficial isn’t it? what’s just as important though, is honesty. so there you have it: moronic, superficial, honest fluff – my specialty!! 
the other day after reading this, I checked my knees. thank god I do not have fat knees. Unfortunately I have fat every where else
Hahaha!!! well, you can count your blessings. look on the bright side: it’s better than having fat everywhere else AND on the knees too right?
I thought only guys have skinny knees.
Oh no! Angelina is a guy?
really?? only guys have skinny knees? Hmm, never noticed it before … even fat guys? must be more observant next time
I think guys have more knobbly knees in general.
I so jeles leh! but then again, guys have hairy legs … so okay lor. can’t win ‘em all
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