Weekend In Lenggong Perak (2/2)

… continued from previous (DAY 1)

6.00 am and I’m wide awake. No need alarm clock. I have an internal clock that goes into overdrive whenever I’m away from home and don’t have a bedroom to myself. Yup, I kick right into survival mode. Survival meaning: wake up last and you’ll wind up battling for the one bathroom. And when you’re sharing one bathroom with 17 other women, it can be traumatic.

We have our breakfast (fried meehoon and diluted “coffee” that tastes suspiciously like sugared water) and prepare for our visit to the famous Lenggong caves. Kaynis tells us to prepare for leeches. Hmm, if yesterday’s waterfall “hike” is any indication, I’m thinking this “caving” won’t be anything like my Dark Cave experience where we slithered on our bellies like snakes for hours and got lost thanks to our guide. Kaynis assures me that no slithering will be involved. “Just walk around only,” he says. Then I remember the description on the Lenggong event page: even your grandmother can do. Okay la. Since my grandmother also can do.

Our guide Halim brings us to the site of the caves for a quick briefing. We’ll be visiting about 7 to 8 caves today (if we move fast enough). He reminds us to be respectful while in the caves and regales us with tales of how people have gone in with cavalier attitudes and snapped pics only to see hantus in the pics. Or groups of ten that have gone in and come out with a headcount of eleven. We then do a headcount. In total: 47 people.

We walk along this narrow winding road that’s to lead us to the cave entrance. The air is fresh. The road is lined with banana trees. Ah, if only we had more spots like this back in Klang Valley.

Then, the tarred road ends and we enter the jungle.

Pic by Chan Siew Fun

The deeper we go, the rougher the trail becomes …

… the wetter it gets and the more leeches we begin to see slinking around everywhere. We go farther and farther into the jungle and I’m thinking eh, the cave entrance is in here???

Every few feet, we stop to do leech checks and trust me, these are absolutely necessary cos the place is crawling with them. Before we even reach the first cave, there are about a dozen leeches hanging onto my leech-proof socks and a couple on my thigh. Luckily there are several guys who’ve perfected the art of pulling off leeches. Apparently, you gotta roll them between your fingers (like a booger) before flinging them off, otherwise you’ll never get them off your fingers. Eeww. That’s a skill I don’t plan to master.

This is the first cave we reach: Gua Gunung Runtuh.

It’s an excavation site, as you can see from the pits dug in the ground. (Of course, everyone is too busy pulling at leeches to actually pay much attention to the cave at first!)

We then move onto the next cave.

Pic by Chan Siew Fun

By then, I realise I should’ve worn long sleeves. My god, those %$#@$% mosquitoes are relentless!!

Also, this is turning out to be more trekking than caving. The hike isn’t killer hard, but I can tell you my grandmother definitely cannot do this. Heck, even my mother also cannot do.

We lower ourselves into the next cave. It’s a small one, but with lots of …

Pic by Chan Siew Fun

… bats. I don’t like bats. I like panda bears and cute dogs and snakes and turtles and dolphins. But I don’t like bats. They are ugly. The sight of them all huddled together gives me the creeps. Look at that. Yuk.

We leave the cave and make our way to the next one.

Pic by Chan Siew Fun

The succession of caves we visit soon becomes a blur – some we go in, others we just pass by.

The guides don’t really stop to tell us about them or their significance … but then again, who can blame them? With almost 50 people loosely grouped, that can’t be easy!

We must’ve been in there over 2 hours by the time we get to the last cave – the Gua Teluk Kelawar, I think it is. Perfect spot for a group pic before bidding the caves farewell.

Inside, there’s graffiti – typical. It never ceases to amaze me how much effort and energy some people will put into defiling public property for a lousy thrill. If only they channel that same effort and energy into doing something that’s not stupid for a change.

Here we are, all out of Teluk Kelawar. I wonder if we’ll be backtracking into the leech-infested jungle to get back to our cars. The guide says yup and gleefully tells us it’s tougher getting out. He cackles. In fact, he’s been cackling every time he’s seen us get bitten by leeches. For some reason, he finds it funny.

Kaynis climbs up onto the bamboo scaffolding and stays there for a long time. We keep expecting him to do a little dance or burst into song but he never does.

By the time we get out of the caves, it’s past lunchtime so we head back to Nur Lembah Lenggong for a shower and makan. Since the bathroom scares me, I decide not to shower. After a while, your perspiration dries up and is absorbed back into your skin anyways so you’re as good as new. I don’t know if that’s true but in case it isn’t, I’m sorry, Francis! (Francis is the guy whose car I’m in – hahaha).

We pack up and drive to the Lenggong Archeological Museum to say hi to Perak Man before dinner.

See. That’s him. He was found in Gua Gunung Runtuh (the first cave we went to) in 1991 and is believed to be 45 years old when he died, which was apparently, a ripe old age back then. What surprises me is how unceremonious the display is. Despite the international hoopla surrounding the Perak Man, here in the museum, he’s quietly hidden in a dark corner inside a man-constructed cave. We almost miss him cos there isn’t even a sign on the glass casing to indicate this is the Perak Man. I wonder why.

After our museum visit, it’s time for dinner. Okay la, it’s only 4pm but god, I’m famished by then (probably cos all I had for lunch were some leftover pretzel crumbs). We have dinner at this restaurant named Café 88 in Lenggong town and all I can say is it’s the first good meal I’ve had in two whole days! Everything tastes delicious – from the seaweed soup starter to the fried tau pok, the famous Lenggong fish balls (which costs a shocking 60 sen per ball, btw!!) to one of my favourite vegetables, the paku pakis. Yum!

Everything’s practically inhaled and plates are cleared in a flash.

Then, there’s a mad dash to buy up everything at the snack counter. I join in too – I’m physically incapable of resisting the opportunity to buy tambun biscuits, chicken biscuits, heong peng and pork floss rolled up in kuih kapit.

The drive back home to KL is a very wet one – it’s pouring like crazy. Quite dangerous considering all the psycho Malaysian drivers out there on the highways, not to mention the convicted felons driving all the buses. We make a couple of stops along the way – nothing eventful – but this last stop where Francis takes a quick snack and coffee break warrants a line or two …

Why, you ask? Look at all the crumpled yellow serviettes strewn all over the table. Cecilia used them to soak up all the oil dripping from the goreng pisang Francis had bought and intended to eat. Wah lau. Talk about clogging up your arteries!!

The folks condemning McDonald’s should come over to the Ulu Bernam rest stop and check out the goreng pisang. I swear, if this doesn’t give you a heart attack, I don’t know what will. Francis wallops them all up anyway. He must’ve been hungry.

Anyways, by the time I reach home that night, it’s close to midnight. I finally take a shower. In my nice, pink-tiled bathroom. I set my air-conditioner to 17 degrees. I eat a few tambun biscuits (oh yes, I’m also physically incapable of resisting the opportunity to eat tambun biscuits, chicken biscuits, heong peng and pork floss rolled up in kuih kapit). Then I go to bed.

This trip was organised by MOTHS (Malaysian Outdoor Trekking & Hiking Society). MOTHS is a forum for all things outdoor, all things nature and all things adventure. Not appropriate for those who don’t like mud, bugs or those whose idea of an intense workout is wrestling a plate of chips from the family pit bull terrier.

Weekend In Lenggong Perak (1/2)

Ever heard of Lenggong? Yeah, me neither. Not until last weekend, in fact. But it is where I spend last weekend. Lenggong is a town in Perak near Ipoh (ah, Ipoh everyone sure know one) and it’s apparently one of the Peninsula’s most important archeological spots. Lenggong is most widely known as the home of Perak Man, a man who lived in one of the caves here 11,000 years ago during the Paleolithic era.

It takes us about 3 hours to drive from KL to Lenggong on Saturday morning. There are ten cars in the group, so the schedule is thrown a bit out of whack. The upside is that you get to see the town in all its rural glory. Everywhere you turn, there are limestone hills off in the distance and little kampung houses nestled in lush greenery … so idyllic. So laidback. So quiet. Am terribly impressed with the highways though – they are in perfect condition and there isn’t a toll booth in sight. I live in Klang Valley – toll booths here are as commonplace as stray dogs and unemployed youths lepaking in shopping malls.

With such an amazing highway system, it simply means you’re cruising along in your car, watching the quaint kampung scenery unfold uninterrupted for km after km after km. They’re not kidding when they say Lenggong is an open-air museum (by ‘they’, I mean Wikipedia)!

Our first stop is the Hutan Lipur Lata Kekabu where the Kekabu waterfall is. All I can say is, no wonder it’s listed under ‘easy’ in the Waterfalls of Malaysia website. We park and head towards the entrance.

I’m all prepared for an onslaught of leeches – have on my trusty leech-proof socks, my legs are smeared with mozzie repellent and dripping with leech spray. I suppose wearing shorts isn’t such a hot idea – the slimy buggers can slink up your uncovered thigh and crawl into your pants or something but I figure I’ll be able to catch them and get someone to pull them off before that happens.

So, on we go. We’re told there are three falls and the trail supposedly gets more challenging as we go up and the last falls used to be off-limits but is now open. Good good. Need to get in my hearty Saturday morning workout since I’m not running today (oh, the guilt!!)

So we’re marching along and it’s a beautiful park. A lot like FRIM.

Unfortunately, it’s as easy as FRIM too …

… there are brick paths all the way …

… and a couple of suspension bridges. Other than being attacked by mosquitoes, the walk (or should I say stroll) is uneventful.

We pass by this tiny waterfall …

… and move on a few minutes away to this one.

Obviously, we have to spend a good few minutes indulging in obligatory camwhoring … which we all do with great enthusiasm. I’m thinking this is the first of the three waterfalls but lo and behold, I’m told that this IS the third waterfall. What? This is the THIRD?? Where were the first two??? “We passed two falls already earlier ma, you didn’t see meh?” Um, no, I did not. Maybe I should stop wearing my sunglasses so much.

We get back into the cars and head to where we’ll be spending the night: Nur Lembah Lenggong.

Nur Lembah Lenggong is a recreational and training facility that’s built along the Perak River. Here, groups can indulge in all kinds of team-building and character-strengthening activities like rafting, trekking, climbing, living in a tent (ie. camping), etc. Luckily, we’re going to stay in the ‘hostel’. Lucky cos the last time I went camping, we set up our tent on an ant hill. The consequences were near-catastrophic and the emotional scars live on till today.

We head to the dining area for a buffet-style lunch before checking in.

The food is … to put it kindly … edible (as in I didn’t get food poisoning or anything after ingestion). I’m hardly a fussy eater – I pretty much eat anything – but this time, my appetite deserts me and I wind up tossing away most of what’s on my plate in favour of the mustard pretzels in my bag. Yum. I like pretzels.

This place is all about ‘roughing’ it and building character, so obviously, we have to wash our own dishes. I believe that having to use those mouldy-looking sponges to clean my plate two days in a row has made me a better human being.

It’s raining by the time we finally check into our dorm – a huge room with something like ten double-decker beds and an air-con that’s stubbornly set at 24 degrees (damn hot okay). I’m one of the last ones in so I wind up getting the top bunk. I don’t know why but I have this thing about sleeping on the top bunk – as in I prefer being at the bottom. I’m always expecting the bed to give way and crash into the ground while I’m on it. I also half-expect to roll off the bed in the middle of the night and cause grievous bodily harm to the poor girl on the bottom bunk. It’s weird especially since I don’t weigh all that much and I don’t thrash around in my sleep.

We give the room a once-over and somebody loudly announces that there are maggots behind the door. Eeww. Little do we know that throughout our short stay here, we will encounter more friendly creatures, namely (1) a grasshopper, (2) a praying mantis and (3) a monstrous furry centipede which we kill off by (1) spraying two truckloads of Shelltox, (2) pouring buckets of water and (3) getting Johnny Low to come over and pummel it to death with his shoe.

Thankfully, the rain stops soon after and we head out to fly 100 metres across the Perak River.

It doesn’t look so scary up close. Oh well, if anything goes wrong, I’ll just fall into the river. It’s not so bad.

The guy in charge, Halim, briefs us on how to fly the fox. He shows us how to strap ourselves into the harness and I’m surprised that there’s only one clasp connecting us to the cable. Halim assures us that the clasp is very canggih one and costs something like RM80 (wah really ah …) and isn’t something he bought at the pasar malam (oh ok lor …). He wraps up by telling us, “Semalam, kami flying fox 130 orang dan semua okei. Hari ini, ada 50 orang aje so kalau tak okei, I tak tahu la – hahaha!!!” Hmm.

This flying fox is perfect for first-timers cos it’s a short distance and isn’t all that high up, so it’s not scary at all. Some more we go two by two, so lagi not scary. It’s a lot of fun though … I do it with Siew Fun. We strap ourselves in and off we go … a few feet off the platform and Halim stops the pulley, leaving us dangling above the ground for a while. I have no idea why but it gives us a few seconds to camwhore …

… which is why I have this pic …

… and this …

… once he lets go, off we go. We scream really loud, not cos it’s scary but because everyone is egging us on. Entertainment value, you know. It’s a great feeling whizzing through the air, the river flowing beneath you, wind in your hair. People sometimes ask you what animal you’d like to be if you were to be reincarnated in your next life. I definitely want to be a bird.

Before we know it, the flight’s over and we’re stopped by the red piece of canvas at the end (to prevent us from crashing into the trees and you know, killing ourselves). So fun! Must find another place with a more chi-kek flying fox to try out! (Chi-kek is Cantonese for ‘exciting’; it’s not to be confused with ‘cekik’ which is Malay for strangulation and obviously, not the same thing at all).

We head off for a quick shower before dinner. Ooh, this is where I launch into something I do in every post: talk about the toilet. Okay, first of all, let me clarify something. I do not have a toilet fetish. And I know that this doesn’t do much to boost our international image, but aiya, it’s no secret that Malaysian toilets aren’t exactly clean. In most cases, they’re pretty gross. And this one at Nur Lembah Lenggong is no exception. It’s big, blue and gives me the creepy feeling that this is probably what the toilets in Pudu Jail look like. (Coincidentally, it’s in the toilet where we find the praying mantis, the centipede and a whole army of ants). All I can say is, when using that toilet, you’ll be glad if you have myopia and an impaired olfactory system.

Click here for DAY 2.

This trip was organised by MOTHS (Malaysian Outdoor Trekking & Hiking Society). MOTHS is a forum for all things outdoor, all things nature and all things adventure. Not appropriate for those who don’t like mud, bugs or those whose idea of an intense workout is wrestling a plate of chips from the family pit bull terrier.

Pros & Cons Of Posting My 2009 New Year Resolutions On My Blog

I’m still in the midst of formulating my new year resolutions and wondering if I should post them online. I don’t know. So I made up a list. The title of my list is: The Pros & Cons Of Posting My 2009 New Year Resolutions On My Blog. Okay, here goes.

PROS

1. Readers will know about them.

2. Your friends will see them and hold you accountable to them, “You resolved to climb Gunung Tahan this year, right? How’s the training coming along? Are you on the right track? How are YOU doing?”

3. Demonstrates that you’re an honest, open and courageous person. Honest and open because you’re willing to be transparent on your blog. Courageous especially if your resolutions are stupid.

4. You may inspire other people to also make resolutions and hopefully, they will have really lofty ones like reducing the national crime rate, ending poverty or overthrowing the lame-ass government – everybody wins!

CONS

1. Readers will know about them.

2. Your friends will see them and make you feel damn guilty if you don’t do them, “Wei, you say you want to climb that mountain this year right? Some more not training and still eating like a cow. When your trip comes, I tell you, you sure die one.”

3. Will be a painful reminder of your failure should you not achieve the stuff you’d set out to do. Really no face.

4. People will read your resolutions on your blog and form opinions of you based on them. “What? You resolve to find a boyfriend by June? You better postpone the deadline la – we’re talking resolutions here la, not miracles that defy logic.”

5. Because you’re afraid that people will perceive you negatively based on your resolutions, you may be pressured to fake them. To come up with politically correct resolutions that will elicit admiration instead of scorn. For instance, it’s more pc to resolve that you want to recycle and save the environment than say, increase your boob size non-surgically.

Looking at my list, the cons outweigh the pros by one point. That settles it then. I won’t be posting my resolutions on my blog. Phew. That was a close call!

[Pics by Stock.XCHNG]

All Together Now, “Awww …”

This post you’re about to read is a departure from the norm – the norm being health, fitness and the pursuit of rock-hard thighs. Yeah, it’s a total aberration but I can’t help it. A few months ago, I received an email, opened it and saw this!

Look at that!

And that!

And that!

Omg, they’re so funny. I swear, if this doesn’t make you smile or feel even a teensy weensy itty bitty bit happier, then you, my friend, are not human.

I think everyone should have a pick-me-up picture – something they can look at whenever they’re feeling a little blue (wei, porn not included okay). These are mine. Then my colleague had to spoil everything by showing me pics of Chow Chows with their fur dyed to turn them into panda bears!!! The pictures FREAKED ME OUT. Some people may think they’re cute but good lord, they made me absolutely sick. I don’t know la. I just have this thing about animals being turned into like, another species. I’m VIOLENTLY against it and I think the people who do it should be jailed.

The Best Feeling In The World

Visage de la Paix by Pablo Piccaso

I get this feeling. I love this feeling. It hits me the moment I wake up in the morning. While it doesn’t come every day, it’s instantly recognisable when it does. It’s hard to describe this feeling but I’m going to try. The feeling is a light one – not consuming or oppressive or strong. Not imposing or intrusive. Just light, soft and quiet. It reminds me of one of those mornings back when I was young and getting ready to go to school. I feel young. And I’m happy. Not deliriously joyful or wildly ecstatic. Just a non-theatrical, non-dramatic kind of happy.

If this feeling were a colour, it would be yellow.

I have no reason to feel happy; I just am. The feeling of happiness is mixed with what I can only describe as promise – a delicious sense of awe that there’s just so much to savour in this life. So many ideas to absorb, so many experiences to have, so many books to read … so many things out there to love. I wish I could grow gigantic enough to wrap my arms around every single one of them and soak them all in. Make them all a part of me so I never miss out on anything. I feel a bittersweet twinge of sadness that life is so temporary, so fleeting.

If being alive means having the ability to feel like this,
I never want to die.

I’ve been feeling this way a lot these mornings. I don’t know why. Maybe it’s December. Maybe it’s the rain. Who knows. Every time it nudges me in the morning, it’s like an old friend coming to visit. It’s familiar. It’s beautiful.  It’s me. I wish I could bottle up this feeling in a jar and carry it with me forever. Then I would never be sad.

I’m not doing too good a job trying to describe this feeling, am I? Just typing this now, I feel my heart swell up. I’m not trying to be sappy here (far from it) but I can’t think of any other way to describe it.

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Gustave Flaubert, in Madam Bovary, laments the inadequacy of language to properly capture and express what we feel inside, “Human speech is like a cracked kettle on which we tap crude rhythms for bears to dance to while we long to make music that will melt the stars …”

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That’s what I’ve been attempting to do here in the last three paragraphs, I guess – play on that same cracked kettle.

Age Is The New Fat

Yes, you heard right: age is the new fat. Not only are we pressured to stay skinny like prepubescent boys, we’re now expected to like, not grow old. Wah lau. First, we must be beautiful. Then, we must be beautiful AND skinny. Now, we must be beautiful AND skinny AND eighteen. Good lord. I wish I were a man – all you’re expected to do is keep the toilet seat down, chew with your mouth closed and not scratch your balls in public (even this, half of you don’t do!!).

To paraphrase Helen Rubenstein, “There are no old women, only lazy ones.” Against my better judgment, I’m tempted to agree. Why not? You now have Botox, endless plastic surgery options, a diet that claims you can stop time if you stop eating forever, and even collagen-infused marshmallows (if this Japanese invention catches on here, trust me, wrinkles are not our biggest problem). And if all else fails, just die young lor. Soon, you’ll have Dignitas-like associations giving you the option of assisted suicide before the indignities of ageing ravage your looks (horrors!) … except that instead of taking a lethal dose of barbiturates like Craig Ewert recently did in his televised suicide, you jab yourself in the butt with a dose of Botox-cyanide – banish that last wrinkle and meet your maker at the same time.

While my thoughts run far and wide on this whole ageing issue, I don’t want to indulge in a lengthy discourse on it. That will take up too much time and brainpower. Suffice to say that since we live in this world, we need to play by the rules of this world and if looking younger means we get to stay in the game a little longer, then look younger we will. Here are 9 easy, non-surgical, non-wallet busting ways you can look younger in a jiffy. Guaranteed.

1. Makeup

The more makeup you wear, the worse (read: older) you look – especially when it comes to foundation. So tone down on the cake. As for lippy, stick to lighter shades. Stay away from shades with names that include words like ‘vamp’ or ‘midnight’ or ‘blood’ or ‘death’.

2. Hair

Grey hair is not happening, so must dye your hair. Also, get a modern youthful haircut (long hair can be draggy), but for the love of god, steer clear of the dreaded auntie perm and the giant datin hairdos. Another hair-related tip is always pluck your eyebrows – opens up your face instantly!

3. Teeth

Keep good teeth – clean, straight and white. Makes you look years younger. First, if you have problem teeth, get them fixed. Then get them whitened. Then stay away from anything that stains the teeth. There are too many to list here but a safe blanket bet would be to get a straw and drink everything with it – colas, coffee, tea, chicken soup, marmite, etc.

4. Eyewear

Stay away from boring granny glasses (ie. wire frames or rimless). Instead, go for rectangular frames that come in a tortoise shell or plastic, or a design with a really thick, funky temple. Go for upswept frames that will “lift” your face.

5. Wardrobe

Wear V-necks which direct the eye upwards. Avoid scoop or round necklines which draw attention to a sagging chest (oh my god!). Also, keep your silhouette tight and taut with figure-shaping underwear. Apparently, Gwyneth Paltrow wore two pairs of Spanx Power Panties to stay in shape after giving birth.

6. Candlelight

Stay in candle-lit rooms. Better yet, bring an arsenal of candles along with you everywhere you go. Avoid fluorescent lights like the plague. If you’re ever in a room with these dastardly lights, turn them off and light up your candles in the name of rekindling the romance of, um … life. Aiya, whatever la, just come up with a clever reason. “I look younger by candlelight” is NOT a clever reason.

7. Friends

Hang out with people who look older than you. Hang out with them in candle-lit rooms.

8. Posture

Stand up tall, stand up straight! Stop all that slouching or listless shuffling. Good posture instantly takes off 3 to 5 pounds – you look thinner, younger and your clothes look better too!

9. Perfume

Wear anti-ageing perfume. Yup, you heard me: the world’s first anti-ageing perfume was recently launched in London!!! It’s called Ageless Fantasy (ooooh) and is based on findings from a study conducted by the Smell and Taste Research Foundation back in 2005, which concluded that grapefruit-based scents smell more youthful (they also advised to stay away from rose-scented perfumes – very old-smelling wor). But since it’ll be a while before Ageless Fantasy arrives on our shores, I suggest you go buy a bunch of grapefruits at the local mini-mart and squirt some on yourself.

Last I checked, ageing is something we all go through, so I’m sure you all found my list very useful. If you didn’t and think this is all bollocks, well, POOH to you too. Go be old.

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Note: some of the tips here were stolen, I mean, adapted from Charla Krupp’s book How Not to Look Old: Fast and Effortless Ways to Look 10 Years Younger, 10 Pounds Lighter, 10 Times Better. For her full interview, click here.

I Hate Being Sick (Doesn’t Everybody?)

Yup. It’s the Putrajaya International 12-Hour Walk 2008 tonight and even though I’ve registered and paid, I won’t be going. Because. I. Am. Still. Sick. It has been one week and I. Am. Still. Sick. It’s downright bloody awful. Since Monday, I’ve had the viral flu – fever, headache, sore throat, chills, body ache, the works, and I’ve not slept in two whole nights. Last night, I was wide awake (and miserable) until 6.30am, so right now I basically feel like crap.

You know what’s the worst thing about being sick for me? Apart from feeling like a train wreck, I’m simultaneously suffering from three other things:

1. The ‘I-Shouldn’t-Be-Sick-Guilt-Complex’

I feel guilty every time I fall sick. I’d rather fall sick over the weekend than do it over the week and have to take time off because that makes me feel guilty. I know co-workers who have no qualms about taking a sick day or two, but I have this crazy Sacrificial Lamb mentality – god knows where it came from. Oooh, look at me, I can work right through the year without taking a single sick day; someone give me a medal. I guess I sometimes forget that nobody really cares.

To make matters worse, several days ago, an article in The Star brings up the fact that 5.5 million local employees in the private sector took an average of 4.2 days of medical leave per year, compared to Britain’s stellar 0.91 days per year. “Employers feel that employees are taking advantage in this area,” the President of Malaysian Employers Federation (MEF) was quoted as saying.

I felt worse after reading that despite the fact that I’d only taken one sick day since January. My Britain-like record had to be tainted so close to year end.

2. The ‘What’s-The-Point-Of-Eating-Broccoli-If-I’m-Going-To-Be-Sick-Syndrome’

I’m no health nut but I try to eat right as much as I can. I do the fruit and veggie thing, I rarely eat fried foods, haven’t touched carbonated drinks in years and you won’t find me lining up at a fast food joint all that often. And to be honest, I adore broccoli. And while I’m no fitness freak, I try to get in a decent amount of exercise every week. You know the saying, “A man’s health can be judged by which he takes two at a time – the stairs or the pills.” Well, I take the stairs three at a time!

My point is, I take care of myself. And I know it’s unreasonable but I get somewhat discouraged when I fall sick. All this stuff I’m doing … for nothing. It’s worse when I see someone next to me (who’s so obviously the poster child of what NOT to do) being perfectly happy and healthy during this rainy flu season. It’s not fair.

3. The Unwarranted Philosophical Journey

Being sick makes you start to think. Mainly because you’re lying around in bed all day with nothing to do. But yeah, it makes you think. I’m not a big fan of thinking. I think too much (to my own detriment) and I desperately want to find ways to stop this mental menace, but alas …

French mathematician/philosopher Blaise Pascal was quoted as saying, “The sole cause of man’s unhappiness is that he does not know how to stay quietly in his room.” I think there’s truth to that, don’t you? Take away your busy work schedules, your friends, your activities … take away everything on the side. Leave you just as you are, with nothing but you, your virus and (cue scary music) your thoughts. Three days and I guarantee you’ll go berserk. I already am. BERSERK AND DEPRESSED. There’s only so much me-time I can take.

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Okay, I’m done rambling. Do I feel better? A little. I’ll probably get better and be amused by all the stuff I’ve written here today. Oh well. I can always blame it on the fever – makes people do crazy things.

I Heart My New Shoes

I got a new pair of running shoes. Finally!! I know that shoes are the most important thing when it comes to running (next up is a good sports bra) but I’ve been too preoccupied with what I’m wearing from the knees up to worry too much about the shoes. But I gotta do this um, “thing” next weekend which requires a good pair of shoes – don’t ask me what; you’ll know soon enough – so I had no choice but to go shoe-shopping.

This may come as a shock to some of you but I don’t actually like shopping. Seriously. I don’t. I think it’s a major pain in the butt. I’m not one of those girls who can spend an entire day going from store to store to store window-shopping. I’m vehemently against window-shopping. If you got no money, stay home la. What’s this window-shopping nonsense?? You go into a store, you BUY SOMETHING. Otherwise, you’re just taking up space. For me, if I need to buy something, I’ll go to one or two stores and if I don’t find something I like, I get bored and start looking around for a cinnamon bun.

So with my shoes, I went to New Balance (after quickly deciding that I’d be insane to buy another pair of Nikes). The guys there were very professional, extremely helpful and they sure knew their stuff. Which was great cos I sure didn’t know mine. I was so impressed by the service that I very nearly bought the shoes on the spot. Problem was, I couldn’t stand the way they looked. They were bright orange (which was really cool) but they also made me look like the Ronald – as in McDonald. Yes yes, I know. It’s not about how good/bad the shoes look; it’s about how well/poorly they fit you, blah blah blah. I’m sorry la but for me, it’s always about HOW THE SHOES LOOK. Come to think of it, it’s always about how EVERYTHING looks, but let’s not get into that kettle of fish just yet.

Anyways, that dismal shopping attempt was a month ago. Last weekend, I went to Studio R. Tried on various brands but wasn’t too excited about any of them. Then I tried on a pair of Asics and omg, I fell in love. They were absolutely perfect. They felt amazing and they looked great. I paid for them right away. No cinnamon bun for me today.

You know how in relationships, you know when you find The One (you also know when you find The Wrong)? That’s how it is with shoes. When you find The One, everything is just … right. Then you start spending lots of time together, and the shoe/guy loses some of his initial lustre, begins to chafe/annoy you, starts to get scruffy/gain weight, gives you bunions/grief, starts to look old and boring next to the newer, snazzier models … but that’s a long way from happening (I give it six to eight months tops).

For now, I’m optimistic me and my Asics will have a long, happy relationship. Unfortunately, this relationship’s gotta wait a while before it’s consummated – I’ve been nursing a damn fever since I brought them home!!!

Are You A (Facebook) Narcissist?

Came across this article the other day, which claims that you can tell how narcissistic a person is by their Facebook profile. The researchers at the University of Georgia recently conducted a study on this (wah, so free). They got a bunch of FB users and made them answer personality questionnaires; also got a random bunch of people to comb through FB profiles and rate how narcissistic the profile owners were. The results of the study are detailed in the October issue of the journal Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin. Read full article at Livescience here and at Science Daily here.

Personally, I’ve got nothing against narcissism or narcissists. Hell, I’ve been accused of harbouring narcissistic tendencies for years and it doesn’t bother me!

So anyways, according to the researchers, these are the tell-tale signs of narcissism:

1. “Quantity of social interaction”
In other words, you got a lot of stuff on your wall or not? Apparently, the more stuff you have on your wall and the more ‘friends’ you have, the more narcissistic you are. They said and I quote: “This is similar to how narcissists behave in the real world, forming numerous but shallow relationships with others.”

2. “Degree of self-promotion in your main photo”
Apparently, most FB users put up simple snapshots of themselves while narcissists put up really glamour pics. So if you have a pic of yourself in a gold tube dress (gasp) and a tiara (double gasp), you’re a narcissist for sure. Uh oh.

3. “Attractiveness of the individual”
In other words, the hotter you are, the more narcissistic; the uglier you are, the less narcissistic. This is such a non-point. Obviously, you need to have some degree of hotness to be a narcissist. Narcissism is, after all, excessive self-love. How to self-love when you look like a cross between a biawak and King Kong’s left armpit? Duh.

Looking at this list, I would probably be classified as a Facebook narcissist … but then, so would a lot of other people. Sheesh. Next thing you know, the “experts” will coin a new disorder – FNPD (Facebook Narcissistic Personality Disorder), kinda like an extension of NPD, and add it to the DSM – the psychiatrists’ Holy Grail of all that is sick and wrong with the world, which they can charge lots of money to “cure” with drugs and therapy.

The thing is, I’m all for disorders. Why not? I’ve got a whole ton of them!! Besides, as far as disorders go, narcissism isn’t as bad as being schizo or something. But just to be sure, I decided to test myself to see if I really am a bona fide Narcissist – not a Facebook one; a REAL one.

So I went to Mayo Clinic (my Holy Grail for all that is sick and wrong with me), and here they are: some symptoms of a REAL narcissist (for the full list, click here).

1. Believing that you’re better than others
You mean I’m not?

2. Exaggerating your talents
Not true. My talents speak for themselves; there’s no need (or room) for exaggeration.

3. Expecting constant praise and admiration
Of course I don’t expect constant praise and admiration. I mean, people have to sleep also ma.

4. Expecting others to go along with your ideas and plans
You mean they shouldn’t?

5. Trouble keeping healthy relationships
Not true. I have extremely healthy relationships with my butler and all my slaves.

Hmm. Looks like I’m destined to be nothing more than a mere Facebook Narcissist after all.